Wanting what you already have.

I feel strange saying this, really I do, but I don't want more. I don't want more money, though the comforts of it brings could be nice. I don't want more friends, but I welcome them when the come and cherish deeply the ones I have. I don't want fame and prestige. Frankly, I am tired.
I have worked since I was 13 years old, first as a helper setting up job sites, packing tools, and moving sheetrock. Then I was a burger slinger under the Golden Arches, complete with a clip-on tie when I made swing manager at 16. I got a taste for the service industry and ended up working 2 jobs in competing restaurants after I quit school. Tips were great and life was good. I filled my life with things: Walmart kitchen gadgets, accessories for the tricked out '93 mustang convertible, and gold chains to match the gangster getup. I wanted more, every... single... day. I could not be satisfied. The rat race caught up to me of course and by 19 I had hit rock bottom.

Eventually I ended up in college, first for chemical engineering (I thought I'd be rich!), then for education (not sure, don't ask). Graduating, landing my first job, and still bar tending on the side, things were looking up, but I wanted something else. I was confused because there were people around me that made 3-4 times my salary and still had more debt than I did. I could see the greed of consumerism in my colleagues and community (Louisiana is famous for fancy cars parked in front of houses that cost less than the auto loan).

The next event in my life was serendipitous, I think. It was one part natural disaster, one part adventure. I packed my things and moved to Bush Alaska. Selling everything you own is entirely underrated! Landing in Togiak with only a few suitcases to my name, spare a few boxes at the parents' house (all forgotten now), I felt so free. My first house was a furnished duplex, complete with 30 years of pet stains (averaging 2 years, the tenants of district housing typically don't take care of things as well as their personal property), a ratty armchair, and greasy couch. The view, though... the view was spectacular. Sunsets on the Togiak Bay are world class and my window framed them nightly. Right on the beach, this community relied on the Bay for fish, sea mammal harvests, and birds for protein. There were herring eggs on kelp, bird eggs, and clams galore, too! I wholeheartedly, though clumsily would be a better adverb, jumped into the subsistence lifestyle. With so much protein to choose from I nearly bored myself with moose, caribou, and rabbit recipes...

I wonder what I will think one day when I have to go to the grocery store and choose from 10 packets of ground chuck made from thousands of different hormone and toxin-laced animals for weekend BBQs. Will I appreciate the flavor of hot baby back ribs more than that of never-been-frozen-thirty-minutes-ago-running-across-the-tundra rabbit fricassee?

I'm not sure if I'll mind, but I want my children to experience this feeling. Life, nature, being part of the ecosystem. I am reading a fantastic book about modern consumerism, waste, and excess right now. It's one of those books that sucks you in with great characters and leaves you with soul-searching questions that rock you to your very core. Jonathan Miles' Want Not is definitely a must read for freegans and dumpster divers, hippies and hipsters, Prius drivers and even environmentalist, but most of all, normal people like you and me. Here is an excerpt from a Thanksgiving conversation between the character who seems to have everything figured out and a new acquaintance:

"Yeah we don't go in for all the isms. Once you're in ism you're political and that's a dead-end. The labels are just another domestication device. Look at environmentalism. Everyone's favorite pet ism, the golden retriever of isms right? I guarantee you that someone right now, maybe even on this block, is replacing an incandescent lightbulb with one of those compact fluorescent ones and feeling all nicy and righteous because they're helping the planet. And at the same time right now someone else is buying a hybrid car because they want to save the planet. And think about that word man buying. You just have to sit back for a second and think about the whole psychology there. They're paying their money they're doing their part. They can go to bed tonight knowing they're like on the side of the Angels. That there the good guys---" ~ "they're meaningless things. They're meaningless tools that the system has devised to make people think that they're doing something and to get them to buy something at the same time. It's like, okay this architect who got this big environmental prize from the president or something, is putting this so-called living roof on a freaking truck factory in Michigan. Planted native grasses and s**t up there called it a songbird habitat. I mean Jesus, just roll that around in your head for a while. Our environmental heroes are the a******* designing truck factories. I mean my fingers can't do those stupid air quotes fast enough." ~ "what I'm saying is that you can't fight the system or even change it if you're part of the system, if you're beholden to it. Because the only weapons the system puts in your hands are different lightbulbs and cars. Chemicals in the same bottle with a green label and flowers on it. The same old s*** with a different label. They comfort you by saying the way out is through non-systemic change. That's the whole Al Gore thing right? That we can all modify the system to quote, unquote, save the planet while maintaining the status quo. But it's b******* man it's beyond b*******. The status quo isn't sustainable. Non-systemic change doesn't help when it's a system that's the problem." ~ "Civilization is like like some drug that we can't get enough of can't resist that were helpless without. But producing that drug requires a systematic destruction of the planet. Every ounce of civilization requires like 100 pounds of soil and air and water, and then generates like 50 pounds of waste that math doesn't work, right? It's simple: at the end of the equation there's nothing but waste."

I have had the 9 years since arriving in Togiak to try to figure out what I want and have the scars to prove it. One year I tried to live off of $500 worth of groceries! I was a monster in the gym that year and lived off of protein. The really profound part of that year, though, was me taking from the land what I needed. Just like the taste of my first tips twenty years earlier, I wanted more. I wished I could live in a cabin off the grid. I wanted to be clean and pure, without chemicals and waste. I was dreaming. I could never do that, and neither can the people who now inhabit Bush Alaska.

I have heard many a crude remark toward "outsiders" and have been the butt of hundreds of racial slurs. We've lived here for thousands of years without "x," is a a common statement, but I fear that way of life is long gone, impossible in a global world. The fact that my cell phone buzzes between trips to another village or while hunting tells you something, doesn't it? The grid cannot be escaped.

So what do you do (I mean besides daydreaming about your zombie apocalypse team)?
What I've learned is simple: Want what you have, don't try to have all that you want.

I want to live a balanced life of minimalism. Keeping up with the neighbors, buying junk for my kids because the Saturday morning cartoon brainwashes them, and digging myself in debt are not my American Dream. I admit it: I cannot fix the environment, but maybe I don't care. I will affect change in my world and maximize happiness for me and mine. I bought a hybrid and biked to work before... maybe I'll do it again. Don't get depressed, just understand your limits and live within them. Admit it and move on. Acceptance is not acquiescence. There is a difference.

Being a Gentleman

"A gentleman eats without stuffing his belly; chooses a dwelling without demanding comfort; is diligent in his office and prudent and his speech; seeks the company of the virtuous in order to straighten his own ways. Of such a man one may truly say that he is fond of learning." AoC 1.14

This is one of my favorite quotes from The Analects of Confucius, one of thousands attributed to the Master, though in truth we will never know who wrote or spoke them all. Their value is no less and their impact on the last 2500 years of world history is nothing short of fundamental. I am an American, the son of arguably the most enlightened nation ever created on the Earth, a Christian, a follower of a prophet born 500 years after Confucius, and a resident of Bush Alaska, about as far from Ancient China as one could be. So, then, why study Confucius? Because I think. "To study without thinking is futile; to think without studying is dangerous." - 2.15

I love to study history and government, in my own terms: psychologically understanding the collective "mind" of humanity through case studies across the centuries. The father of modern political theory and personal/governmental morality, Confucius, represents to me a model of the quintessential teacher. He is paradoxical in nature at times, as I am in my job, my relationships, and my life. He models good behavior and preaches of correctness in civic duties, but held no posts of any real importance in life. It's like the familiar (hated by me, personally) adage: "those who can, do; those who can't..." well you know the rest. What I really love about confucianism and ethics/sociology in general, is the idea that through healthy, well-designed, self-motivated education, humanity has hope of improvement. Politics bereft of this concept are hopeless (yes, including the US).

The world is a scary place out there and the truth is we will never "get along." 

Most importantly Confucian education was humanistic and Universalist. Has the master said: AoC2.12 - "A gentleman is not a pot" (or also "a gentleman is not a tool") - meaning that his capacity should not have a specific then it nor his usefulness a narrow application. What matters is not to accumulate technical information and specialized expertise but to develop one's humanity. Education is not about having it is about being.
-Simon Leys

We will never agree that Allah is Yahweh or that Brahma, Vishnu, and Shiva are the Trinity of Christ's Church. What we can agree on is that we are all human. We all have value. We all deserve a choice in life. Whether this choice is spiritual, ambition in the acquisition of material wealth, or educational pursuits, we should respect each other equally. The Master, always the teacher, chided to disciples often about moderation.

The key to education is positive change. A good teacher can change a student more that even the most motivated student can change themselves on their own. Negative education such as in Maoist China or brainwashing in Cambodia or the Sudan can do some of the most horrendous damage a human can withstand. Positive education such as the Buddhist enlightenment or the adoption of Ghandi's peaceful nonviolent philosophy can alter humanity in the most profound of ways. The assumption is always the same though: errant behavior comes from a lack of understanding or a lack of knowledge. Truthfulness in knowledge itself is subjective and society dictates its own norms and mores, of course, but the simplicity of the power of education is constant. The student need only realign their goals and their values to those of societies and they will become successful. In the words of the master "if only the delinquent could be taught and be made to perceive the mistake and nature of his actions he would naturally amend his ways." Confucian education is, at its core, universalist.

The utility of the education imparted is the priority. To define utility of course is also subjective. The value of hunting, fishing, and surviving in rural Alaska is eminently more important than that of classical philosophy or Latin. In a broad and general sense, Confucian education is about humanity. Essentially we should not be narrowing our focus to technical skills or career-specific abilities. Being well-rounded, polished in presentation, a life long learner, and a master of communication: these are the skills of a gentleman, not a "pot or tool." By confining yourself to a specific role in society you limit your ability to experience a deep and meaningful life.

As I described in a previous post (Schools vs Education), education is not about degrees, titles, and certifications, it is about improving oneself and expanding our horizons. It's less about doing something or attaining something and more about experiencing life or just being. Reading the story of Buddha, for example, we can relate that a world without real experiences is false and has no value whatsoever, regardless of the riches, joys experienced, and knowledge acquired. I am not on the Greater Path to Enlightenment nor do I worship my ancestors, but in all things I seek truth, justice, and morality, just as these titans of the 5th century BC. To quote the Holy book to which I choose to measure my success as a human:

14 What good is it, my brothers and sisters, if someone claims to have faith but has no deeds? Can such faith save them? 15 Suppose a brother or a sister is without clothes and daily food. 16 If one of you says to them, “Go in peace; keep warm and well fed,” but does nothing about their physical needs, what good is it? 17 In the same way, faith by itself, if it is not accompanied by action, is dead. 18 But someone will say, “You have faith; I have deeds.” Show me your faith without deeds, and I will show you my faith by my deeds. 19 You believe that there is one God. Good! Even the demons believe that—and shudder.

On Leadership

Being a leader means you are a virtuous model of ethics and balanced in your desire to better yourself. Being afraid to make difficult choices or of being judged is not a fear a gentleman should have. If I am living my life in the way I should, I will be secure in the afterlife and content to be judged by others. "His conscience is without reproach. Why should he grieve and what should he fear?" - 12.4. Humility and a willingness to learn from others, especially subordinates, was essential to this style. Often the Master warned of being too authoritarian with those under your command or manipulating others to obtain the results you seek. This bred contempt and subterfuge. If a leader is too brash, his team will resent him. Leading by example and encouraging ritualization to structure desired behaviors, this is my definition of Confucian leadership. Scheduling and organization, it seems, are the keys to a happy life as well as a happy office.


"When nature prevails over culture, you get a savage. When culture prevails over nature, you get a pedant. When nature and culture are in balance, you get a gentleman." - 6.18

ped·ant

/pednt/

noun

1. a person who is excessively concerned with minor details and rules or with displaying academic learning.

So ask yourself this: are you a savage, a pedant, or a gentleman? 

Sorry ladies, perhaps you should read here: "savage, pedant, or gentlewoman" 

Tribute to Dad

Anyone can be a father, it takes a real man to be a dad... You've heard the cliche before, but it doesn't make it any less true. My father, my dad, is a one of a kind to say the least. I have learned so much from him and yet paradoxically, seek to be different from him. We are so similar it scares me.

As a technology professional I cannot deny his technophilic love for gizmos has shaped me in a number of ways. Even changing to education in college and becoming a teacher, the opposite of the analytical chemical engineering path I started on (in many ways to be like him), I soon found my way back to my roots.

In my personal life, he taught me to be adventurous and brave. Never be afraid to ask for what you want and never wait for something to fall in your lap. I took life by the reigns and have always lived life with passion and determination. This is what I love about my father. He is a visionary. He sees order in chaos and can solve any problem, no matter how complex, like unrolling a ball of twine.

Far from boring, my dad is a motorcyclist, world traveller, SCUBA diver, and all around lover of life. His passions have in many ways rubbed off on me.

No one has loved me like this man and maybe no one ever will. He is my champion, my great encourager, my hero. He loves like no other. He honors and respects me throughout all the trouble I have dropped on his doorstep over the yeas. Always supportive and never judgmental, I am so blessed he is in my life. 

I love you Dad, Happy Father's Day. 

Here's to you: 

(I call it the 'Dad-stach')

Another school year come and gone~

 With another year under my belt I felt it time to reflect once again. As per usual, “Bush Sam” often takes a few moments to stop and recollect his actions when feeling as though a milestone is met. In this case it is the completion of my 9^th year in educationally related fields.

As a refresher for myself, I think back to my earliest years as a teacher in Sulphur, Louisiana. I finished student teaching and was offered a position to teach Advanced Placement American History. What a learning curve! Goodness, I remember thinking to myself, “What have I gotten myself into?!” Every year since then I seem to start a new position or challenged myself professionally. Those words have become a mantra of sorts for me…

My next move was to Alaska in the summer of 2006, where I enjoyed 4 amazing years in one of the most bountiful and beautiful regions God ever created. Life was simpler, but the work was intense. I often found myself in the school before dawn and after dust and I am certain I averaged 10 hours a day including weekends throughout most of the year. Each year I asked to do more, teach more, coach more, or lead more. In the end I taught classes ranging from art, computer science, MS science, 3^rd grade reading, government, all histories, and current events!! We performed mock elections, fund raised, worked as a team to solve 1000’s of complex local issues, and were visited by numerous elected officials. It was a blast, but it was tiring to say the least.

I left the Bush in 2010 to start consulting full time with the Chariot Group. The private sector was sexy and full of action. Everywhere I turned there were deals closing, training being requested, and travel events for me to enjoy parts of the state I never would have seen before! Altogether I visited 87 communities in Alaska, mostly off the road system, and worked with tribal organizations, schools, NGOs, and big businesses. Eventually I knew I had to exit the lifestyle, though.

Offered a coordinator position in 2011, I started with the Lower Yukon in January of 2012. Filling the role as best I knew how, the position quickly became one of on-the-job training to be a director. At 31 years of age, I doubted myself in many respects, but I chose to sign the contract and give it a shot.

This year has been nothing short of a tornado. It began with a lone Tech Director putting out catastrophic network “fires” like 20% of the school domain controllers failing simultaneously and 30% packet loss district wide. Soon I had 2 of the finest team members I could ever have imagined join me and we began cleaning up messes, making systemic policy changes, and rebuilt the entire department from scratch. Everything from wireless connectivity methods to hardware deployments was changed. We literally wrote the manual on how a technology department should be run (all 40 pages)!

We had our share of hiccups and set-backs, but it was a phenomenal year. Service providers eventually got their problems under control and users eventually began to trust us. I could not be happier with our performance in spite of it all. Now I wrap the year up with the busiest and most stressful days yet in my career. Opening two schools simultaneously, purchasing, readying, and deploying nearly $300,000 worth of new equipment while balancing a $6 million budget has stretched me more than I realized.

I think I am burned out though. I think I am tired. I think I am ready for the next challenge. This doesn’t mean I want to quit, though. Quite the contrary, I am ready to roll up my sleeves and attack the 2014-2015 school year with a renewed vigor. This response is coupled with the understanding that I must hold myself to a timeline now, though. With a date in mind (June 30, 2015) I can now identify the priorities and goals which must be met. Not just for me, but for my team. The students, staff, and communities of LYSD deserve my best. They deserve to be left better than where I found them. I aim to deliver the most functional and organized technology department this district has ever seen to my replacement in one year. I have half of the team I need to do it and 100% of the will to make it work.

“What have I gotten myself into?!” still sneaks in every now and then, but all in all I remain resolute and even happy with the anticipation of another year of adventure as Bush Sam.

I am ready.  I accept the next challenge with open arms. I am not afraid.

ASTE 2014

Well another ASTE has come and gone. If my count is correct, this is my 7th. I remember my first trip out when I was a teacher back in Togiak, AK. I was stir crazy and aching for a restaurant dinner, a cold beer, and a trip to the mall to just mingle with the faceless crowd. I was eager to help out around the conference and asked my coworkers for a chance to meet all the brilliant minds that put ASTE 2007 together. I ran around plugging in projectors and extension cords every morning and collecting them every afternoon. I mingled with people I considered to be celebrities, shared my successes and challenges with educators from around the state, and solidified my decision to become a life-long Alaskan. The Alaska Society for Technology in Education became a lighthouse for my career. It guided me through challenging times as a teacher, taught me the skills I needed to become a technologist, and gave me a focused goal. I wanted to embody the ideals of ASTE in all that I did. I worked tirelessly to gain new insights about educational technology and infused it in all of my lessons. 

The conference was the highlight of my year every year. I knew if I could make it through to Christmas I would survive. Then I poured my heart into the second semester and held nothing back until that wonderful long weekend 2 months later... ASTE was the network I needed to understand my job and my worth. It was a professional development mecca with experts congregating to discuss anything my heart desired! After a few years of attendance as an educator, I then experienced ASTE as a vendor. I was a consultant for a technology firm and presented several sessions over the course of the busiest 4 days of the year. Once again joining the public world, I attended ASTE 2012 and 2013 as the Educational Technology Coordinator at LYSD. It was wonderful to feel the warmth and camaraderie of fellow educators once again. 

This year I worked ASTE for the first time. I was proud to be a part of what I consider to be the best ASTE yet! Never before have I seen such a purely educational, nature-focused, and synergetic conference. It was inspiring to say the least. 

Here are some highlights of ASTE 2014: Nature, Technology, and Learning.  

Leadership Summit

• 106 participants from 30+ districts
• Superintendents, Directors, Teachers, Support Staff
• Tech Plan assistance, leadership topics, advice from experts
• Dr. Edwards, V. Oliveri, Com. Hanley, UAS, UAF, EED 

Keynotes

http://www.aste.org/conference/speakers/
Steve Edwards: 21^st Century Leadership and Distance Learning

• Dr. Edwards inspired the group to think differently and turn the established norms on their head. I don't know if the teachers in attendance appreciated the comments about "a little chaos in the classroom is okay," but the support staff certainly did.
• "Students should go home tired at the end of the day, not teachers."

Nainoa Thompson: Hawaiian Culture Bearer

• Executive Director of the Polynesian Voyager Society; leading to movement to revive Hawaiian culture and way-finding.  

Chris Morgan: Conservationist, Ecologist, TV/Movie Personality

• BBC, NatGeo, and PBS documentary filmmaker and wildlife biologist; currently completing work on 'Bear Trek' and teaching all who will listen about the importance of wilderness stewardship.

Kes Woodward: Professor of Art Emeritus

• Art is often the impetuous for change in the world, especially in terms of conservation  

Richard Nelson: TV, Radio Personality & AK Writer Laureate

• Listen to the world around you and you will hear; be still, look, listen, and learn. 

Favorite Session

The Polynesian Voyager Society
Hawaiian Voyaging Traditions
Hokulea

Meetings

Commissioner Handley

Review of legislation, initiatives, direction

Dedication to ASTE, possible invites to Juneau/policy meetings

Apple

New iTunes policies for Students; Under 13 y.o.a. now granted institutional account.

Redeem code policy changes; Redeem codes now mobile and revokable between Apple IDs. 

ASTE

Focus on education and NOT vendor driven; Move all timelines forward

Take-Aways

“Students should be tired at the end of the day, not teachers” (Or administrators)

“Every teacher has an online presence, only sometime their students are in the room”
"Do less, better."

iDidaContest

http://ididacontest.org/index.cfm/1,122,0,37,html

I was so proud of my LYSD team this year! We did a wonderful job representing our communities and won some cash in the process.

Isaac Poulsen – First Place iDidaTune

Brittnay Bailey – First Place iDidaPodcast

Peter Werts – First Place iDidaMovie

9 LYSD submissions total

Favorite Resources Discovered

2Revolutions

Who is Bush Sam?

I have a few blogs I write regularly (and some rarely). My personal one is called "BushSam" and it talks about my life in Bush Alaska. Though I started writing this blog in 2011, I have been BushSam since 2006. Since moving to Alaska I have read every Alaskan story, novel, and history book I can get my hands on, learning, synthesizing, and laughing all the while.

Another trait of BushSam is a lack of interest in wearing anything but fur hats and Carhartts. Burly, rugged, and fine with not showering for a week when the water goes out in Mountain... this is BushSam. 

I love living off the road system sometimes... I hunt, fish, and explore God's Grocery Store. We support each other out here like family. I spend every evening and almost all day, everyday, with wonderful friends. We're silly but it keeps us sane. I thought I would share some fun pictures as I convert myself to CitySam. 

With little entertainment opportunities beyond visiting friends, watching TV, and video games, I find amusements in the little things... Like shaving my beard in weird shapes and styles.

I've worked in several schools over the years, each with their own fun hair cutting and beard shaving contests... Why not join the fun?

Clean shaven and ready for a trip to Anchorage... See you soon! 

Position of Incompetence

My father and I were talking over the weekend, hopefully not about me particularly (I am joking if you are reading this, Dad), and he told me about a theory from the 60's I have never heard of. It interested me enough to research the idea and formulate my opinion. 

The Peter Principle

The theory that employees within an organization will advance to their highest level of competence and then be promoted to and remain at a level at which they are incompetent. 

Basically the principle and book says that if you great at your job you get promoted. If you have never done the new job, you are probably not good at it. If you improve in this new role, you might then get promoted to the next level. At the point when you can no longer perform in such a way to "get noticed," you cease getting promoted. You have thus reached the point of incompetency. Alternately, those in authority are faced with the obvious choice to promote new managers in times of need. If given the choice, they will select the individual who represents the least overall "loss" to the institution. Hence they select the least competent individual to manage the more qualified and effective ones. This way the most efficient employees still do their jobs and the least productive ones are removed from situations in which they potentially impeded productivity. 

More info

The history of the Peter Principle is the history of organizational observations throughout the centuries. From WikiPedia: 

The same experience was described as early as 1767 by Gotthold Ephraim Lessing in his comedy Minna von Barnhelm translated from German to English: “To become more than a sergeant? I don't consider it. I am a good sergeant; I might easily make a bad captain, and certainly an even worse general. One knows from experience.”^[1]

In the 1910s José Ortega y Gasset suggested that: "All public employees should be demoted to their immediately lower level, as they have been promoted until turning incompetent".^[2]

A similar theory was proposed by Scott Adams, creator of the Dilbert cartoon series. In his 1996 book, The Dilbert Principle, Adams suggested that "the least smart people are promoted, simply because they’re the ones you don't want doing actual work." In other words people are promoted because of their incompetence in their current role, rather than their competence. 

It's not so simple to nail down though. There is also the existence of the bureaucracy and its necessity for self preservation. In terms of examples, think of the incompetent manager already in authority. Why would this person promote a talented younger individual who threatens to upset the top of the hierarchy? 

Be Optimal

So after reading all this, digesting, and placing myself on the "hierarchy" of my career path, I have some thoughts. First, I asked myself "am I incompetent?" The answer, I hope for you as well, is a resounding "no." In my case I have to take a serious step back and really analyze the situation. Why do I have this job? How did I get this opportunity? I started as a teacher in Louisiana with a penchant for creative lesson planning and technology. I took the initiative to find something more exciting, go somewhere different, and try new things. I taught a year or so and was given the opportunity to be more than just a classroom teacher. Working as the technology liaison for the district, I trained, practiced, and studied on my own. When the opportunity arose to teach others what I knew I took it. Working as a consultant I listened and observed successful administrators in action. I studied best practices for professional development and soaked up every tidbit of research on education, technology-infused instruction, and cognitive theory. Given a chance to move back to the public realm, I was a prime candidate for the position of Educational Technology Coordinator.  The next year was spent studying for the chance to be the Director, should the position open. 

Without gloating, I mean only to point out that I was prepared ahead of time to make the transition to another advancement. So where does this put me now? What is the next position? 

This is the question I ask myself now. I know I have only worked in my current position for one year, but my first instinct in life when entering any door is to immediately locate the exit. This has my mind whirling of course. What if I am optimally placed as an Educational Technology Coordinator or professional trainer? What if I am a truly gifted teacher? Am I selfishly placing my ambitions to achieve more above what I am best qualified to do? Would someone else do my job better than me and if so, am I subconsciously holding them back to protect the hierarchy?   

My answer is fairly straightforward. I am optimal. I am efficient and effective. I believe I was ready before I started each position I earned, or at least more ready than anyone else that could have applied. Not to understate the situation, I am a motivated professional with the intelligence to learn the skills I will need daily. I think the key to my conundrum is self-reflection and balance. We have to know when you slow down and be excellent and when to stretch ourselves and learn alternate skills. We have to experiment to truly understand our own value as well. Finally, we need leaders, both supervisory and collegially, who encourage us to stretch ourselves when appropriate and to be optimal when it is not.