Doubt & Success

"I think every man is asked by the world to do something he doubts he can be."

~John Eldredge

Every now and again I get down on myself and I think: "What makes me so special?" It's terrible, I know! The truth is that nagging doubt is part of life, part of the world we live in, part of the spiritual battle within us all. For every man that succeeds there are ten that fail. We are all told we can't. You can't win, can't be better than that guy, can't be smarter, can't... can't... can't. Then there is that moment when you decide you will. You just do it. Here is my life. 

My only fear is that I will not act heroically, passionately, or bravely when the time comes. This fear causes me to act in extremes sometimes. This extreme behavior is not always a good thing though. Extreme behavior in life leads to addiction and debt. In hopes of removing myself from these addictions and the slave-state we call the American Dream I constantly look for the newest way to alternately deprive and spoil myself. I move to the Bush to live frugally, then take frequent vacations. I have always enjoyed testing myself and finding new limits (1 Cor 9:27).

Like most things in life, moderation is the key. In terms of relationships I recently had a conversation with a friend about the pursuit of women with too much... um... passion. Frequently such vigor in pursuit of objects or ideas is a reflection of something that is missing in life or is related to a weakness of some kind. Basically an addiction to objects, feelings, or states of mind. Too often male friends fall into a trap of self-deception in which they fill a "hole" in their life with money (workaholic), intimacy (sexual addictions), or substances (drugs/alcohol). By friends mentioned above, I am of course talking about myself and men in general. 

Can I break this cycle and find personal success? Doubtful. Will I do it anyway? Absolutely.