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Sunday, December 1, 2013

Straight Talk, not Small Talk

Lately people have been asking me "how is your year going?" or "how do you like the new job?" and the response is always the same. It's almost like the question "how are you?" or "how was your day?" Is the answer ever anything but "good" or "very well, thank you"? The truth is my days, just like the rest of my life, are up-and-down. 

My question then is: do I, they, or anyone actually care?

I have found myself pondering my resolution for the school year lately. I told myself that this year I would talk less and say more. I want to be a man of my word. I want to be a man of straight talk and concise/meaningful answers. I want my no's to be no's and my yes's to be yes's. I don't intend to be rude, short, or terse with anyone in this regard, only forthright and direct. Honesty, truth, and trustworthiness will be my goals.

All this is to set the stage for what I believe to be my current struggle in life. I love to ask myself questions, reflect on my choices, challenge myself daily, and create standards worth meeting. Recently I took a trip to Kauai. This was undoubtedly the most significant of vacations/experiences in my life. I came back refreshed and re-centered. I tried to re-create this trip recently by traveling to Las Vegas last week. You might think that's a funny place to be alone but the truth is we can sometimes hide in large groups. Becoming nameless and faceless allowed me to be invisible temporarily. Reading, lounging by the pool, walking the streets at night, seeing Cirque productions: these were all refreshing experiences, especially alone. The trouble is I still don't know myself. I failed in a number of ways to recreate Kauai. I didn't read what I wanted to, nor as much as I wanted to. 

I know what I want to be. I know how to get there. I just don't know who will do it with me. Who will challenge me? Who will be my support? Who will bring me down? Who will lift me up? 
I have met several wonderful people lately. My mind soars at the possibilities! I have many concerned and supportive friends. My family will continue to encourage and love me unconditionally. 
Will this be enough though? I think not. I will need strength and guidance from above. I will need grace and mercy for what I do. I will need wisdom and insight and sound judgment to discern His will for my life. I will need Straight Talk, not Small Talk. Please feel free, after reading this, to give me some Straight Talk. Challenge me.

I am not yet the man I wish to be. I am working progress. I am willing to learn and change. I am His.